so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
