she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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