Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
