The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
