i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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