Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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