New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
