i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
