I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
