The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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