im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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