So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
