R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
