I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
