Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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