brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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