she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
