So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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