using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
