Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
