the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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