I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
