Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
