he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
