Having a random hookup so left but love u
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I enjoy the company of your penis
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
