did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
