I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dick very happy bro
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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