Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
