just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
