New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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