Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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