dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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