Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
