You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
