Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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