drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
