she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
