Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
