Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
