I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
