Duck Duck Cougar?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
