Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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