They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm having to shit out rocks
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
