Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
