I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
