how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
