Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
