I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
