Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
