mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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