I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
